Creativity at Christmas Time

I lack it.  I long for it, but it's just not there.  That's why I've always hated craft stores like Michael's and Jo-Ann's because I don't even know what to do in there.  I dream of handmaking gifts for everyone I know and impressing them with amazing, original pieces of work I created for them. But, alas, another Target purchase inevitably lies beneath the tissue paper. 

I can not tell you how many things I try and end up on the verge of tears, telling myself I stink because I can not do them.  Or, I do them and they turn out not even close to how they're supposed to (i.e., how they look in a picture or how someone else did them). I've always pretty much wanted to do things right and perfectly or not at all.  I can't shake that part of my personality.

So, this time of year, I have one get-together where I HAVE to give a homemade ornament.  I dread it.  I feel so incompetent.  Like no matter what I do or how easy it seems, it's going to be something that will hang on the back of someone's tree, if even at all, and I just want to make a quick exit to the bathroom or take an emergency call when the people open it.

Part of it is because I normally wait until the day of the event to start the project. Even though I've always wanted to do things as perfectly as possible, I am a major procrastinator, too.  I work best that way most of the time.  But, not when my creativity is put to the test.  I mean, when you don't really have any, waiting until the last minute is not the best way to get something done that is even presentable.  But, sometimes I say, "well, it's going to be pretty crappy either way, so why stress about it a week in advance??"

Let me get to my point.

I recently shrunk a sweater from a men's L to approximately a child's 2T.  For some reason, I did not throw it away and guess what?  I made six Christmas ornaments out of it, some ribbon and a few straight pins.  Now, I know the reality is I will not be getting a call from anyone wanting me to make a special order for purchase and they probably will still be placed toward the bottom back area of peoples' trees who receive them, but I spent two hours making six ornaments and they weren't terribly hard and turned out okay.  I am still certain they could be so much more perfect, but I got them done four days before the party and they're still together.  So, I was moderately satisfied.  I mean, at least I wasn't crying about how domestically challenged I am during the project.

Another problem is I look on Esty.com ALL the time.  I am fascinated how so many people are infinitely talented and originative and I see things that make me say, "I could do stuff like that."  Then I quickly find that I can't. 

Anyway, I wanted some cute labels for some things I would be baking this season, so thought I'd order some inexpensive ones from Etsy.  I get on there and guess what I said? "I can do this."  So, I ventured in to Michael's (aghhhh!), bought paper, stamps, ink, ink pens and made some really cute labels that I am not embarrassed to attach to my gifts. 

All in all, I have gotten to the point of realizing, who I am is not based on how perfectly I do things, especially things like making labels (I mean, who's going to save a label anyway?!).  But, I do want people to know I care so much about what I'm giving them and what they think of it.  I don't want anyone to gush over me, but to know they mean so much to me that I put extra time and (sometimes) tears into producing it, no matter how small or easy it seems.  Success is so much more victorious when you've felt failure!

So, let me get on Etsy and see what else I can do!